Funny stories of/for the hearing impaired

Robert enjoyed my squirrel hunt story, so I am posting my favorite how bad is/was my hearing dear.

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I will start this topic with my ‘muskrat’ story: so it’s about 2010, and I am still working for the USDA’s Natural Resources Conservation Service, stationed in Alexandria, LA. While driving south on I-10, to a meeting in Lafayette, and accompanied by a District Conservationist (DC) from one of our northern parishes. And he declares:

“Oh my G@#, look at that infestation”. “That pasture is covered with it”. “With what” I say. “Can’t you see it”. And I say “see what, what’s out there”. “Muskrats, they’re all over the place”.

Well, I am thinking…the pastures around us are nicely rolling high ground, aren’t muskrats generally found in wetlands and swamps? So I look again, the grass is about 10 inches high, and I don’t see a thing. But I ack like I do…”man they are taking over that pasture”. “Are you having this problem in your parish?” “Oh yeah, it’s worse north of here”. So I ask, “what are you doing to combat this infestation?” He adds:

“Well you kill them, of course”. So I start thinking how you would accomplish this…trapping, Varmint shooting, maybe even from helicopters like with feral hogs…oh yeah. “How do you generally kill them”. And he says, “you poison them of course”. Now I am thinking ‘poison’. How do we get them to eat this poison, will it harm livestock, where do we put it, along trails, near a muskrat hole? Plus, “what kind of poison do you generally use?”

Here it comes guys…he replies” nothing special, any common herbicide will kill ‘Smutgrass’.” Not muskrats…I started laughing at myself so hard I started tearing up. He got mad thinking I was laughing at his accent. I assured him that was not the reason, and that my wife had been after me about getting my hearing checked. And I now use hearing aids. And yes, they do help. Hope you guys find this as funny as I did.
WB

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:facepalm:

lol, yes, clearly any herbicide will get those pesky vermin :grin:

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I also have started having my moments with hearing . That indeed was funny :grin:

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My hearing is pretty bad. I can hear the words but can’t understand what they are. When my wife says 'X", I hear “Y” or some other thing.
One day I was cutting some keys in the shop and the customer was talking. That key machine noise along with my bad hearing led me to hear him say that he had to get back before it rained so he could bring in the monkey food. So when I finished with his keys I told him the story about my hearing and told him what I heard him say. He just looked at me for a minute and then said, “That is what I said.” He works next door at the feed store and they had the contract to provide the feed to the experimental farm at the airport in New Iberia. They just got a truckload in and he needed to get it into the warehouse before it rained. I laughed my ass off.

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Mike, that is so funny. I would have thought the same; and my wife loved it.
WB

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That’s Hilarious, I smile and nod when I can’t here something. As you can imagine it’s not always the expected response.

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:rofl:

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Grand Poohba,
Been there done that…many times. Now, when the speaker starts giving me that glazed over look, I immediately let them know I am not able to hear them. Still happens some in very crowded environments.
BW

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I can’t believe I just thought of this, but it all reminds me of the ‘way to go Brandon’ incident as well.
WB

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Yeah, thats true it is the same …lol

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Watch that talk to text too.
I talk and say in my best nicky newark babble “ja’wanna go to dinner” to wife
My chinkey phone texts to the wife “joanna go to dinner?”
Her reply “WHO THE **** IS JOANNA” :rofl:

Revenge:
she texts "run done I’m on my way’
chinkey phone sends me “Brandon, on my way”
You know my reply:
“Who the **** is Brandon??”

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LMBO,
I laughed , but my X-leo mind works differently.
I read that and said well some women may just seize the opportunity after a talk to text messed up to send back a supposedly messed up text.
Just to throw your nose off the scent of the track.

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Ex LEO, You know the joke.
Troop to driver “I been trying to pull you over for 5 miles!!!”
Driver “Well my wife ran off with a cop so I thought you were him trying to bring her back.”

Remember the movie the rich guy offered 1 million for a night with broke gamblers wife ?
Our friend said “Well that would be 2 million to me as he’d be back in an 20 minutes with a second million to take her back immediately.”

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:laughing: :rofl: :joy:

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