How I lost my girlfriend to chickens


As egg production of my chickens has started to slow down, it as time to restock the flock. And @TacticoolSasquatch1776 decided she wanted in on the process. Now, she has zero experience with being a prepper or farmery (if that’s even a word), what so ever. But, I’ve heard nothing that wasn’t bird related for two days, now.

We make our journey down to the local feed and seed store and tell the guy what we want. I’m vaguely familiar with the young fellow and he happily procures us starter feed and shavings for their temporary boarding in my spare room and gets us 10 Golden Comet pullets to add to my existing birds in Fort Chicken (a 40’x40’ block foundation on my property).

While I’m networking/marketing my business to the guy, the box containing said fluff balls, somehow, came unsealed and, upon my reentry into the car, someone already has a chick in her hand. That’s right, didn’t make it out of the parking lot before she is elbow deep in baby chickens and has already named one of them “Duck.” (You can’t make this up. She named a chicken…“Duck.” This lady s broken.)

Since returning home, I haven’t seen my girlfriend. She has locked herself in the spare room with the new chickens. I know she’s still alive, because she’s texting me…from the next room.

And because I, briefly, opened the door (to verify life) and got yelled at as though I were trying to take a ring from a hobbit.

I’m concerned for my safety, her mental health, and the future of my relationship. The woman has gone chicken crazy.


Keep her away from goats…


I want them too!


I had chickens for a long time. I hatched my own.


Damn it! She didn’t know goats existed. Look what you did, now.


Interesting story! You lost your girlfriend to a chicken. Ironically, I got my girlfriend because of my chicken…


Wait till they grow up she will loose interest.


I have no use for chickens. Most people find this hard to believe that a Preacher from Kentucky is allergic to chicken and eggs, but here I be.


He doesn’t look too thrilled for our family photo op.


That’s because you cut out all of the Dark Corner Gunworks logos. Trying to run a business, here. damn. It’s not all about chickens.


I tried that a couple times. Damn eggs cracked under my weight.




We have 19 here. My wife calls me the chicken daddy.
My 3 closest neighbors lost about a total of 130 chickens combined mostly due to lack of planning and negligence during hurricane Florance flooding. My one neighbor lost most of his to predators immediately post storm. I am currently letting two broody hens sit on a mess of eggs for him and am very much looking forward to “playing” with the chick’s for awhile before I send them off to him


YES!! So fun!!


the only good about this - when they grow up to be chickens you can always just eat them


Unfortunately, the situation is way more complicated now. Animals cannot become food after they:

  1. Have a name
  2. Sleep in the house
  3. Sit on your lap

Just ask any kid…or girlfriend. :grin:


When i was a kid the German family next door had food rabbits, we used to play with them all the time until I learned that they where dinner lol.


Yeah…he told me not to get attached because

  1. Chicks die.
  2. When we introduce them to the adults, they could get murdered.
  3. They are good for eggs AND a meal.

But…but…but… “Duck” is just so damn cute/sweet/precious!!!


She will get past this.
Ive been through it with my family as well.
Turkeys are even worse…
But when the fun becomes a chore their patience wears thin.
Have Faith kind Sir.


So when it’s time to become a meal and the ax comes down, “Duck” will be more of a warning cry than a name I suppose. :thinking: