I think Re Angel was the only one to know this, but now all of you will…My wife has dementia. It’s tough to watch them deteriorate in mind and health. No way I will ever put her in a home, but I am retired. it might be different if I had to work. It’s a horrible disease that takes the mind away. she is not to the point where she is totally disabled but I know it’s coming. she has gotten worse over the last year.
It started with short term memory, and she ask the same question a 100 times a day, now her long term is going. it’s not to the point where she don’t recognize her kids and me. but I know that’s coming too. but no matter, I will be there for her, cause the license says for better or for worse. she would do the same for me. We have been married for 37 years.
she is at the point where she don’t want to do nothing or go anywhere, she is quiet and solitude, Thus my time posting here. She is easily confused and gets depressed and frustrated. I try to comfort her the best I can. It’s a hard thing to watch.
Sorry to hear that Belt-Fed.
I have a younger brother suffering in a similar manner.
He now lives in a wing of a hospital that specializes in folks suffering from dementia.
They give him around the clock help that would be hard to duplicate.
We all have to sleep sometime.
Feel free to share anytime, that’s a heavy burden, any ease you can find you deserve, my sincerest sympathy , if at a point you can’t do it alone, do not, you do more right by her to get her help when you’ve gone past your mile.
The family visiting her often will be extremely important.
I’ve had to make this same decision and the guilt and doubt really set in, but I knew it was something I had to do for her safety and care that she required.
yeah - I commend you - and agree about keeping her in your home. There is a lot of home healthcare options now. Its gotta be tough to be the spouse. I’m just a child. I think some of the stress contributed to my dad’s vices and his demise due to cancer but he was a good man. He passed over 22 years ago
I worked for 16 years as long term care nurse and it is hard on families. But if your caregivers care about the people they are charged to care for then it is a lot easier. Half the job is the residents the other half is the families. My mantra on my unit was "it’s not your home, it’s theirs, treat them that way. Easy to say but sometimes hard to do, always had good results though. Find a place that has that attitude for its residents.
I salute you Belt-fed for this. After many years a dementia unit charge nurse I know the struggles and challenges first hand. GOD bless you and yours in this endeavor. Dementia is a progressive disease but thankfully the mental faculties go down with the physical faculties. Where as Parkinson’s you lose all your physical abilities and you faculties remain largely intact. Both are bad situations and I respect you for doing what you are doing.
My sister worked at a nursing home for a while and not to scare you @0null00, but do good research on the place you are considering because from what my sister told me, she would never allow anyone she knows to be in the place she worked.
Well there is good and bad in all things. So due diligence is always prudent. But I suggest not only researching , but go to the place and ask them to let you see the units. Look for orderly hallways, a clean smell, residents that are calm, staff that does not looked rushed or hurried. Find out what the shift staff to resident ratios are for all three shifts as they vary by shift. Be there around meal time and see if the food smells good (no I am not joking). Talk to the nurses and see if they are calm or frazzled. Ask the Nurse what their philosophy is for running their units. DO YOUR RERSEARCH and FIRST HAND OBSERVATIONS.
I will be praying for strength and peace for all of you.My mother had dementia before she passed and It was very rough not only for her but also for my father and me. Homecare was a huge help and toward the end occasional stays with more around the clock attention was a blessing. Honestly one of the most difficult parts for me was convincing my dad to allow outside help. Once he did it was still a struggle but at least we were all struggling in the same direction which made it much more bearable.
yeah, we have a place my grandfather passed away in, smaller and in the town I grew up in, I hope it’ll be ok, but again - not my 1st choice - my 1st choice would be to keep her here - even though she pushes buttons
I watched my dad lose his mind and his body shut down over the course o 4-5 years from a brain lesion.
When I was about ten he got in a tractor wreck, the brakes and steering went out in the combine he was driving and he got beat up pretty bad in the wreck and as he bailed out. His head had smashed in to the cabs ceiling crushing some of the bones in his neck and damaging his brain.
The guy was a 6’ 350lb corn fed redneck so I dont think his body took the impact very well. He was mostly a tractor mechanic but liked the overtime. Was also a big fan of woodworking , jusy had no stop in him untail he got sick.
He went from being a workaholic to not being able to work at all almost overnight then his body and mind deteriorated for the next few years after that. Don’t remember him much now after 15 years but theres still things like songs, activities, etc that take me back almost like I was there again.
my grandpa was like that - WI farmer, taking him of the farm even when he had just a couple animals and no crops made him very bored and he went downhill fast. But he was falling a lot also so he would have died on the farm by himself maybe if he wasn’t put in a home - not sure what’s worse imho - maybe I should have helped more but I’m in NC and he’s in WI
My dad grew up with farm work but his passion was wrenching. He was from Grand Forks North Dakota. He started out of high school as a car mechanic but after moving out here he met a farmer , got into diesels then tractor repair. Then both of those things is how he made is living untail he died.
He built several hotrods/trucks for people. That I know of he built a late 50’s Chevy truck for my grandpa. No idea the specifics but it had the split windows in the back. Then he built a big block Chevelle for his friend , and his friend killed himself in it a few years later. Then his 78 Camaro which had over 500hp (which was alot in the early 90s lol). Then he had a lifted Chevy PU that he built from scratch almost. The guy loved wrenching, wouldnt shut up about NASCAR growing up. Lol it was like religion to him.