My old landlord Bart had troubles with racoons nesting under his house.
They would scratch and bump into pipes and keep him awake.
So he began trapping them with one of those live traps.
He caught the first baby racoon and it screamed like it was being murdered, even though it was just in a cage.
It was 2 AM, so Bart puts the trap with the screaming racoon in his truck, still in his pj’s, and drives off down towards a creek a few miles away.
Next night, he gets the second baby racoon.
Also around 2 AM, also screaming.
This time Bart gets half way to the creek and a cop pulls him over.
The cop asks what he is doing… baby racoon screaming away in back.
Bart says; “relocating racoons”.
"Have a nice evening sir.
I think the cop just didn’t want to deal with a half naked crazy man in a beat to sh#t mazda truck with a screaming racoon in back.
So this goes on for several more nights.
I would hear Bart cussing, plunk the trap down in the truck.
Fire it up and listen to the split exhaust muffler accompanied by the screaming raccoons fade into the distance.
So Bart, I asked; “How do you know they aren’t just the same racoons coming back home and being trapped again… i mean, it is only a mile or two away…?”
“S#it!.. you might be right. I didn’t think of that.”
So the next night Bart catches another baby racoon… but this time… this time…
I almost pee myself when I think about it.
This time Bart takes a can of silver spray paint and gives baby a squirt across it’s back.
Finally by the end of the week Bart catches Mama racoon.
I hear cussing, then rustling, more cussing.
I go out to see.
Bart has Mama racoon in the trap and he is squirting her with the garden hose and cussing her out.
“I WANNA MAKE SURE SHE NEVER COMES BACK!!”
Uh… okay Bart… g-nite.
The best part of the story:
2 weeks later Bart is outside cussing again.
What happened? Racoons again?
“Nah… it’s a whole family of foxes and they are even louder than the racoons!”